Leaving a Conversation When You Have Social Anxiety

Leaving a Conversation When You Have Social Anxiety Social Anxiety Disorder Treatment and Therapy Social Skills Print How to Leave a Conversation When You Have Social Anxiety By Arlin Cuncic Arlin Cuncic, MA, is the author of Therapy in Focus: What to Expect from CBT for Social Anxiety Disorder and 7 Weeks to Reduce Anxiety. Learn about our editorial policy Arlin Cuncic Medically reviewed by Medically reviewed by Steven Gans, MD on November 08, 2015 Steven Gans, MD is board-certified in psychiatry and is an active supervisor, teacher, and mentor at Massachusetts General Hospital. Learn about our Medical Review Board Steven Gans, MD Updated on September 11, 2018 Social Anxiety Disorder Overview Symptoms & Diagnosis Causes Treatment Living With In Children Klaus Vedfelt / Getty Images People with social anxiety sometimes have trouble leaving conversations. Some of the problems you might experience include: Abruptly leaving due to high anxiety  Staying much longer than you want to because you dont know how to excuse yourself  Generally feeling anxious about the etiquette involved in leaving a conversation Knowing how to leave a conversation can sometimes be just as important as knowing how to join one. Some of the reasons you might want to leave a conversation could include Wanting to excuse yourself to talk with someone elseWanting to  get away from someone who is rudeNeeding to use the bathroom or move on to some other taskWanting to gracefully end a conversation that is winding down anyway There are also numerous settings in which you could find yourself in conversation including: Work or school settingsPartiesCasual gatheringsChance meetings with acquaintancesTelephone conversations Below are steps to successfully leave a conversation. How to Leave a Conversation First, distance yourself physically from the  group or individual. Turn yourself partially away and begin to pull back while still listening to what is being said. Stand up if you have been sitting down and start to use shorter responses to what is being said.Wait for a break in the conversation  and then give your reason for leaving. A trip to the bathroom or to get another drink are good excuses if you dont have another reason to leave.To more easily transition into leaving, you could first summarize what has just been said before you mention that you are leaving. For example, you could say Sounds like you had an amazing trip! Id like to see the photos soon. Unfortunately, Ive got a deadline looming and need to get back to work.Turn and leave. Do not wait for anyone to give you permission and do not look back after you leave. What to Say Perhaps youve got a handle on the steps to end a conversation but still arent sure what exactly to say. Below are some examples of what you might say to end a conversation. Ive got to get going, but its been nice talking. Well, Ill let you get back to your shopping. Take care! Great chatting with you! Im going to try and catch Dave before he heads home. Thanks for the chat. Talk soon (on the phone) I am just going to excuse myself to use the restroom. Maybe we can chat later? Tips Do not feel bad about leaving a conversation. Someone has to do it eventually, and when done right there will be no hurt feelings.In a business setting, make concrete plans about when you will be in contact if appropriate  and shake hands before you leave.If you want to leave because of what the other person is saying, consider taking charge. Ask questions that lead to other areas of conversation. If you are in a group, others may be relieved that someone has changed the topic.In general, it helps to have an idea of how long conversations usually last. While talking with a good friend could go on for hours, most conversations with people you dont know will last less than 10 minutes. Dont feel bad about moving on.If you are really stuck in a one-on-one conversation, consider introducing that person to someone else in the hopes that they will hit it off.Sometimes it is okay to ghost or just leave a conversation quietly without saying anything. This works in a group setting with a large number of people. Research on Social Anxiety and Conversation In a 2015 study of the conversations of individuals with social anxiety, it was shown that deficits in joint action led to being less well-liked. What does this mean? In essence, people with social anxiety tend to contribute less to conversations, specifically by not sharing in the conversation when another person is telling a story. Although you may find yourself itching to walk away from a social encounter, try to slow yourself down before making an exit. Be genuinely interested in what the other person has to say. Ask questions, tell related stories about yourself, and find common ground with the other person.